The Omnivore Wars Read online

  “GO!” he shouted. The back door of the jeep flew open. Seth came out first. Kathy followed from the passenger side. She leaned her shoulder into her assistant’s back, giving him a slight push. Seth stumbled up the steps, right into the path of the pigs, who were scurrying down at them. He froze.

  Andy fired first, hitting the lead pig between the eyes. Each of his next five shots also struck home, and he only missed with the last shot.

  Kathy started firing only moments later. Half of her shots hit, with pigs sliding headfirst down the steps and others tripping over them. Andy strode forward, his gun empty. His trouser pocket jangled with cartridges, but he judged speed to be more important. He kicked out at the first Tusker with his heavy boots and connected, sending the pig off to one side, where it tried to get up and then flopped down, unmoving.

  They were halfway to the steps; the way ahead was cleared. There were only a few pigs left, and they looked ready to flee.

  Andy caught movement to one side. A wave of pigs came around the side of the courthouse at full speed. We’re going to be cut off, he thought. People were staring at them from behind the glass doors.

  “Do you mind helping?” he shouted.

  Seth had again stopped moving, frozen by the sight of the oncoming tide. Kathy pushed him and he staggered forward.

  Andy squared away with the Tuskers, determined to stop them long enough for Kathy and Seth to make it to the courthouse entrance. Calmly digging into his pocket as he swung the cylinder of the revolver out, he dropped out the spent cartridges with one practiced movement. With steady hands, he started reloading. He stopped at three, because he realized he wasn’t going to have time for a full load. He swung the cylinder back into place and raised the gun.

  There were at least twenty pigs, and he had three bullets. He aimed at the three largest animals near the front of the onslaught. As he fired, a dozen pigs suddenly flopped over, and Andy almost looked at his revolver in amazement before he realized that the shots were coming from the top of the steps.

  Three men had emerged from the courthouse with rifles and were spraying the attacking Tuskers with bullets. Andy quickly fired his last two shots, unsure if he was hitting anything, then sprinted up the steps past the men and into the cool shade of the hallway.

  The men followed, backing in slowly. As they crossed the threshold, the doors were pushed closed. Other people came out of the shadows and piled the chairs and tables back against the doors as the first of the oncoming Tuskers slammed into the glass, cracking but not quite penetrating them.

  Andy sat down on the cool marble of the hallway and closed his eyes in relief. He’d been certain he was going to die. He’d felt a weird gratitude that it wasn’t going to be in a hail of bullets, but doing something worthwhile, even admirable.

  Dead is dead, he thought, but at the same time, he clung to the feeling.

  A firm hand landed on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see a tall man with a gaunt face looking down at him with an approving expression. It was Herb Jensen, the mayor of Saguaro.

  “You made it, Andy. You’re safe.”

  The Tuskers were still attacking the doors, and broken glass skittered across the floor. The sound of their banging against the barricades echoed in the cavernous interior of the courthouse.

  “If you say so,” Andy replied.

  He looked around the darkened entrance of the courthouse. There were only a few windows in the old, rock-faced building, most of them on the upper floors. His eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light.

  He recognized most of the people there—all of them, actually, though he hadn’t personally talked to everyone. The majority of them were people who worked in the downtown area. He looked for his employees and the regulars of his diner, but they weren’t there. Which meant they were probably still trapped.

  Would the doors and windows of Monson’s Diner hold up under this kind of onslaught? If these were normal pigs, he wouldn’t have had any doubt. But he’d seen the alert intelligence in the eyes of the Tusker who’d tried to bust through the jeep’s side window, and he was certain that this wasn’t some strange berserk animal outbreak, but a planned attack.

  Herb Jensen held out a semiautomatic rifle. “That was some great shooting,” the mayor said. “I think you can probably handle this.”

  Andy took the rifle, but was reluctant to show his familiarity with it. He pretended to awkwardly attempt to take the clip out. The mayor was examining him curiously, not offering to help. Andy was pretty sure he wasn’t buying it.

  “Luckily for us,” Herb continued, “the Sheriff’s Department is at the back of the building.” He pointed to a table at the back of the lobby that was piled with weaponry. “We have enough guns and ammo to hold off Santa Anna and his whole army.”

  Andy walked over and snagged another revolver. At the last second, he grabbed a sheathed bowie knife and shoved it into his belt.

  “The only thing we don’t have is hand grenades,” Herb said, chuckling.

  Andy didn’t reward him with a smile. He didn’t much like the mayor, who seemed to have a knack for disparaging the local Hispanics in such a way that it could always be denied. Herb got most of the Morrow Valley snowbird vote that way. If the Hispanics ever got organized, he would be out on his ear.

  There was no real pay for serving on the City Council, but Andy had his suspicions that there were monetary rewards that weren’t visible and probably not legal. He shrugged. It wasn’t like he could pretend to be any better than a crooked politician. He wasn’t dishonest…just a killer.

  “Excuse me,” Andy said, getting to his feet. “I need to see how Ms. Comfort is doing.” He walked away, knowing that the mayor would take offense at his abrupt departure and not caring.

  Seth was sitting on the floor, his head in hands, and Kathy was standing over him. She seemed to be trying to reassure him.

  “You’ve used the camera before,” she was saying. “I’ve seen you.”

  “I’m no good at it,” Seth muttered. “I’m not going out there, no matter what.”

  “I don’t think it matters much how much you jiggle it. Hell, that’ll just add to the drama of it. Come on, Seth. Get up. Help me out. I’ll…I’ll protect you.”

  Seth rubbed his face one last time, then seemed to gain some resolve and stood up. He took the camera out of her hands. “I’ll see if I can get a vantage point from one of the upstairs windows.”

  “Thank you, Seth,” Kathy said. “I won’t forget it.”

  He walked away without answering, and she looked after him thoughtfully. She didn’t notice Andy walking up behind her.

  “Anything for the story, eh?” he said.

  She jumped and let out a small screech. “Shit, you scared me!” She gulped for a second, then gave him one of her practiced smiles, the kind she probably bestowed on guests she liked on her TV show. “Not very ladylike of me.”

  “I have a feeling you don’t really care about that,” he said.

  Kathy dropped the smile. “No, I suppose not.” She shook her head. “I’m just worried no one is going to believe me, unless I can show them.”

  “Even then…”

  “Yeah, but that’s always true. People don’t believe much of anything these days. Or they believe too much. I’m not sure which is worse.”

  “Maybe they should just turn off the TV.”

  “You shut up,” she said. “Someone might hear you.”

  They smiled at each other, then both looked away at the same moment. Again, something had passed between them, something unspoken.

  “Where did you learn to shoot like that?” Kathy asked. “You hit them with every shot. Not to mention being so cool under fire. Hell, I’m pretty good on the practice range, but I’m nowhere near as good as you.”

  Andy started to shrug it off, the way he had with the mayor, then realized she wouldn’t believe him. “Just learned it in the service, you know.”

  “Y
eah, which branch?”

  Andy tried to figure out which military service he could fake. “The Army. Wasn’t in it much past basic training, though. My heart arrhythmia caught up to me.”

  “Arrhythmia,” Kathy said. She was examining him as if she knew he was lying, which was a good trick, because he was pretty practiced at it. “You know, you remind me of someone…something I’ve seen…”

  His face had been plastered on every post office wall for several years before he’d surrendered himself. Even with the longer hair and beard, it wouldn’t surprise him if Kathy Comfort had memorized the Top Ten Most Wanted List. The name of her show was Kathy Comfort’s Justice, after all.

  “I just wanted to make sure you’re OK,” he said, changing the subject. “I’m heading back to my diner, make sure the people there are all right.”

  “You’re going out there?” She seemed surprised. “Now?”

  “Yeah,” he said, realizing he didn’t feel frightened. He felt energized. I missed this, he thought. “I feel responsible for my people. I left them there alone.”

  “You can’t be there every minute,” she said.

  “I know. Still…it’s my place.”

  She looked at his rifle, then up at his face, and realized he was serious, and that nothing was going to stop him.

  “I’m going with you,” she said.

  It was his turn to be surprised. “That really isn’t necessary,” he said.

  “I know it’s not necessary,” she snapped. “I’m doing it for the story. I don’t want people to think that I hid out during the second Aporkcalypse. I know people believe I’m just a pretty face on TV, but before I was a host, I was a reporter. I’m going to get the story, no matter what.”

  Andy reached out and took her arm, and she looked at him in surprise. “You weren’t here during the first Aporkcalypse,” he said. “You don’t know how bad it can get.”

  “Did I mention that before I was a reporter, I was a cop? I can take care of myself.”

  “What about your guy…Seth? It doesn’t look like he wants to go anywhere.”

  “He’ll come,” she said. “He’ll bitch and moan, but in the end, he won’t want to be left behind.” She turned away, as if it was decided. “Now, where do I get one of those rifles?”

  They went toward the back of the courthouse and down a small flight of steps and found the sheriff’s office. The young man behind the counter seemed doubtful that Kathy could handle one of the weapons, so she grabbed the one in Andy’s hands, removed the clip, and reinserted it with a practiced motion.

  “I suppose it’ll be OK,” the deputy said, looking impressed. “We have more than enough of them.” He went into a back room and emerged with a rifle and several clips, which he handed to Kathy.

  She looked around at the jackets that were hanging from the wall and grabbed one. “You mind?” she asked.

  “Go ahead,” the deputy said.

  Kathy donned the green fatigue jacket, then looked down at her dress and high heels. “It’s a new look,” she laughed. She gave one of the clips to Andy and stuck the other in a jacket pocket. “I’m ready when you are.”

  The back door to the courthouse, unlike the glass doors at the front, was solid wood. They hadn’t needed to barricade it.

  “Can we leave through here?” Andy asked.

  The deputy looked much more doubtful about this than he had about giving Kathy a rifle. “I was told to keep it shut,” he said.

  “We’ll be out in seconds,” Andy said. “We’ll be sure there aren’t any Tuskers near.”

  “Well…” the deputy drawled. “I suppose. I really like your show, Ms. Comfort. I never miss it.”

  Andy had already started toward the door, determined to leave whether the deputy said yes or no.

  “Let me get Seth,” Kathy said. “He’s got the camera.”

  Andy nodded and resisted saying, “Hurry.” Kathy knew he wouldn’t wait for her for long. While he waiting, he put his ear to the door, trying to determine if there was anything just outside.

  “There’s a small window in the bathroom,” the deputy said. “I can go check to see if the coast is clear.” He headed off without waiting for an answer, entering a room across the corridor. A few moments later, he poked his head around the door. “Not a Tusker in sight. Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

  “Go where?” came a voice from the top of the stairs. With his rifle slung over his shoulder and his thin frame, Herb Jensen looked incredibly tall. He descended the stairs, frowning.

  “I’m going to my diner,” Andy said. He tried to sound matter-of-fact, because he could already tell by the mayor’s clenched jaw that he was going to get an argument. “I need to make sure my people are safe.”

  “I don’t think we can allow that,” the mayor said. “We need everyone here, in case of another attack. What if those creatures break through? I saw how well you shoot. We need you.”

  Andy couldn’t believe it. “What about the people out there? They need me too, and they’re unarmed. You’ve got plenty of guns here, and a secure location.”

  Herb was shaking his head as Andy was speaking. “No…you really should stay. In fact, I order you to.”

  “Under what authority?” Andy demanded. “As far as I can tell, your position as mayor is honorary.”

  “Maybe in times of peace,” Herb said. “Obviously, the circumstances have changed.”

  Andy turned to the deputy. “Where’s the sheriff?”

  The deputy gulped, his eyes darting back and forth between Andy and the mayor. “He was out on patrol when all this started. We can’t raise him…all communications are down.”

  “Who does the sheriff take his orders from?” Andy demanded. “The County Commission, right? The Saguaro city officials have no authority over you.”

  “That’s true,” the deputy said, and the furrows on his forehead cleared, as if he’d been given a definitive answer. He turned to the mayor and said, “He’s right, sir.”

  Herb Jensen’s face grew red, and his rifle tipped upward just a fraction, as if he was thinking about forcing the issue. Andy cleared his throat warningly. His own gun twitched upward, and Herb jerked slightly in response.

  The man is too stubborn to back down, Andy thought.

  At that moment, Kathy and Seth came down the stairs. Kathy walked between the two men glaring at each other as if she hadn’t noticed anything amiss. But as she passed, she gave Andy a quick, questioning look.

  “Let’s get going, boys,” she said lightly.

  The deputy hurried toward the other room, shouting over his shoulder, “I’ll make sure the coast is clear.”

  The tension broke. Herb stepped back, his gun lowered. He wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t willing to shoot it out, at least not in front of a nationally known reporter.

  Andy didn’t say anything, just opened the back door a crack and looked out.

  “Clear?” he shouted.

  The deputy’s voice was excited. “Not a pig in sight!”

  Andy opened the back door all the way, ushered Kathy and Seth out, and quickly followed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  They crouched near the door, rifles to shoulders. A high wall bordered the back alley of the courthouse, with the parking lot for the Sheriff’s Department on the uphill side. The deputy was right: there were no Tuskers—fortunately, for they would’ve been trapped.

  Coming from the front of the courthouse was a sound like revving engines: the grunting of innumerable pigs, interspersed with high-pitched squeals. Andy urgently motioned the others to move on down the alley, which looped toward the base of the small hill. At the intersection of the alley and the street, Andy stopped. Kathy kept going, and he grabbed her to stop her from going out into the street. He poked his head around the corner. To the right, pigs churned up and down the courthouse steps as if scrambling for a meal.

  There was a small house to their left. The backy
ard was tiny, but it was hidden from the street. They hopped over the wall, which was only a few feet high this close to the bottom of the hill. They walked quickly through the yard and clambered over the wooden fence around the next house. A frightened-looking old lady looked out the back window, and she hesitantly raised her hand in greeting. Andy motioned for her to go upstairs and to lock the door. She gave him a gap-toothed smile and held up a shotgun.

  I keep forgetting I’m in the Wild West, he thought. Where even Grannie is armed to the teeth. He gave her a thumbs-up and kept going.

  In this way, by staying behind buildings and cars, they managed to creep most of the three blocks to Monson’s Diner. Grunting came from the backyard of the last house they passed. Crouching below behind the gate in the fence, Andy tried to look between the slats.

  There was red, glistening flesh strewn about the green yard. He saw the frenzied movement of at least two pigs.

  He handed his rifle to Kathy, who gave him a questioning look. He pulled the bowie knife out of his belt. “We can’t afford to make noise,” he whispered.

  “But…”

  Before she could object further, he opened the gate and sprinted toward the two rooting pigs. He was on top of the first one before it saw him coming, and the knife sliced cleanly into the back of its neck. It went down without a sound.

  The other javelina moved so fast, Andy barely had time to remove the knife. He dove out of the way, then rolled to face the charging pig, certain he wouldn’t be in time. The gate opened and Kathy shouted loudly. It distracted the pig just long enough for Andy to meet its charge with the sharp end of the knife, and it slid into its chest. The pig’s tusks slashed up and down, barely missing Andy’s arms. Blood spurted out, making the handle of the knife hard to hold onto. Another inch and the tusks would slice into him.

  Kathy and Seth ran into the yard, and Seth grabbed the back hooves of the creature and pulled. With a final thrust, the pig missed Andy, who was falling backward. Then the creature was on its side, kicking but unable to raise its head. Andy plunged the knife into its neck, ending its agony.